Sometimes, things go the way we didn't think it would go and it creates a huge mess. We are then left to pick up the pieces, and wonder What do I have left? These times can come in huge waves, or minor bumps in the roads for some. But one thing we can all acknowledge is that sometimes, life sucks!
Finding that motivation to kick-start your dreams can be very hard, believe me. I began my activism for Cannabis in college when it came to public speaking and projects I had to turn in or do extensive research for. I always made sure to center it around the thing I knew best. And that thing was pot. The reason why I am telling you all of this is because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything always comes full circle.
In 2015, my boyfriend, myself, and a friend of ours traveled to Colorado for The Hightimes Cannabis Cup. At this time, I had been battling with severe chronic migraines and stuck at a job that was draining the life out of me. I was getting so sick that I was hardly making any time at work and I almost didn't make the trip because I was unsure if I would be okay to sit in a moving car for fourteen hours. With Colorado having legal recreational cannabis, I did a lot of research before I took this trip and I knew I had to make it for the medical benefits alone. Even if I was going to be too sick to make it to the festival, I at least wanted to get my hands on a few patches I had heard of and try and find some kind of relief. I ended up finding a dispensary called, The Green Solution (also a location in Illinois) to check out as my first trip to a dispensary. I looked at their menu online and knew that they carried exactly what I was looking for. The staff and the experience I had there was so amazing, it was love at first sight! Seeing the array of flower in jars behind glass displays, merchandise with the dispensary's logo on them, even an assortment of accessories just made my eyes tear with joy. I knew right then, that I wanted to wear an employee shirt. I wanted to be the person behind the display, pulling out a jar of Girl Scout Cookies for a patient to sniff. I wanted to be the person to ask a patient what cannabis helped them with. I knew from that moment, what the hell I wanted to go after.
As soon as I came home from Colorado, I felt like a teenage girl in a brand new crush. Nothing mattered, and all I thought about was how to gain that employment in the green rush. I began applying for jobs immediately as dispensaries were just opening doors or gaining licenses here in Illinois. That summer, while still working a miserable job, and going on failed interview after failed interview, my identity was stolen. I was trying to cope with chronic migraines and active PTSD and failing miserably. I was spiraling fast. Depression hit me like a freight train. All I could do was lie in bed with the lights off, wishing the pain would just stop. This went on for two years.
Once I became a medical patient, a lot of this changed. I was feeling better and I started doing reviews on social media of the strains I was liking at the moment. I started doing my own research for my friends all over the country who have diabetes, depression, MS, and other chronic illnesses to see how medical cannabis would help them. This kind of fuel was exactly what I needed to help get the motivation to kick-start the rest of my life.
Over the past year, I have been taking the time out for myself to focus on my true passion and the things that really bring me warmth. This is important because if I wasn't taking this time to work on me, then The Ganja Chronicles would never exist in the first place! This transformation I have been on has not been easy; it takes patience with yourself, with others, and a lot of compassion. I have to constantly remind myself that I am continually growing and that the knowledge I am seeking will not happen overnight. This little reminder keeps me on my toes and helps me regain my focus when I tend to get frustrated.
The universe knows just when you're ready for certain things in your life, and there is nothing thrown at you that you can't handle. Now that I am finally working in a dispensary, an actual dream come true, I understand why it took so long to become a part of this opportunity. I wasn't ready. I felt good knowing that people were coming to me for advice on how to help their everyday battles but I was not helping my own everyday battles. To help heal others, you must first help yourself.
Life is super shitty sometimes. We are handed shit on a plate that we never even ordered and we deal with it. There are so many ups and downs and so much stuff on social media that will have you look twice at yourself and question where you are in your own book. Don't compare someone's Chapter 12 with your Chapter 1. It's okay to feel those ups and downs, and it's okay to feel like shit. The only difference is don't stay there. Find a way to pull yourself out. If it feels like things are not going according to plan, my therapist gave the wonderful advice to try and "find a way to do it the unconventional way." Look outside the box.
Now that I am an official Budtender, if you're a registered cannabis patient in Illinois, I'd love to help you pick out the perfect medicine to fit your lifestyle and help manage pain! Come visit me at Midway Dispensary! If you need assistance on switching dispensaries, let me know! Hope to see you soon, and as usual, thank you so much for reading!
For more information, please check out Kim's blog page: https://www.theganjachronicles.com